I have always been a follower…the one to crack under peer pressure that we all face as teens! I was so concerned what others thought of me and would go to great lengths to fit in with the crowd! This got me into a lot of trouble…doing drugs and going to clubs at the young age of 15 (yes- I was able to pull that off at 15 yrs. old)
I overdosed and came very close to dying at age 16. I don’t remember a lot about that night, it almost felt like a dream! (more like a nightmare) I remember being inside of an ambulance…
People were talking to me and asking me questions…I wanted to talk, but nothing would come out (that is the scariest feeling and I can still remember that vividly) Next thing I remember I was lying in a hospital bed getting my stomach pumped…
The Lord was holding on to me that night… letting me know that He still had more for me here and it just wasn’t time for me to go! A path of destruction like the one that I followed was based on temporary highs…highs from feeling like I fit in with a certain crowd…highs from the drugs…highs that I got from things that are only temporary and don’t last! People will hurt you , they’ll let you down, they’ll turn on you…God won’t! Drugs and alcohol will hurt you, turn you into someone that you never wanted to be, and destroy your life…God does just the opposite! He’s there with open arms…ALWAYS! His high is permanent!
All the chisels I’ve dulled carving idols of stone, that have crumbled like sand beneath the waves. I’ve recklessly built all my dreams in the sand, just to watch them all wash away. Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile, to One who sees past all I see. Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You’d understand, You’re the only One Who’s faithful to me.
All the pennies I’ve wasted in my wishing well, I have thrown like stones to the sea. I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly, for a faith to be faithful to me. Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile, to One who sees past all I see. Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You’d understand, You’re the only One Who’s faithful to me.
~ Jennifer Knapp
Lovely site…your honesty is refreshing. Gorgeous quote, btw. Peace to you.
Thank you! I read your blog often and love it!
Alison,
God knows exactly what we can handle and what we can’t. I’m certain He permissively allows even painful experiences like the one you write of to ultimately glorify His work in you. Thank you for reaching out to others so publicly and glorifying Him with your emotional yet amazing testimony!
I love your honesty and willingness to speak out to help others. That is awesome and so many are afraid to do it…your words are so encouraging! Thanks for writing
[...] Alison [...]